I must be too annoying 4 u.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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