I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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