No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
