her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Randomize