obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
