whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
