I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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