Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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