Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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