not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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