she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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