PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
