You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
