She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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