then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
