You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
In America we eat man semen.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
