So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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