you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
