and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
