She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
