Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize