and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
