That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
