She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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