awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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