If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
