So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize