Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
