i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
