My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
