He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
