and my herpes radar will keep us safe
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
