i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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