All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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