I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
