I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
