We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
