Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize