better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
