Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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