i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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