i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
