I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
