I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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