I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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