i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
time to smoke my breakfast
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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