hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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