If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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