So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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