can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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