yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
