I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
