Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
