It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
