I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
