Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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