Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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