I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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