but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
