he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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