She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
