Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
