woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
