At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
