Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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