Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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