i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
