nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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