its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
