we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
