So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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