Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
