Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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