We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
