Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
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