can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
