2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I think I just sharted jello shots
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize