is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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