ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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