I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
