The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
