Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just want to make out with him forever
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
