i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
